Reflections
by Rose2
Summary: Goku on how he feels about being a Saiyen and his relationship with Vegeta (non-yaoi), my first fic so please be gentle!


This story takes place in the three years after Goku returns and before the androids arrive. * -- * means thoughts. 

**Reflections** by Rose

The stars are really pretty out tonight. I know it's late but I couldn't sleep. I had to get out of the house. So I flew out here – to this hilltop. It gives me a great view of the area. And of the stars. I strain looking up at the sky, trying to find where the planet Vegeta would be if Frieza hadn't destroyed it. A pointless exercise I know but . . . I still haven't fully come to terms with the facts. I'm a Saiyen. Chi-chi just refuses to think about it. Vegeta shoves it in my face. The others shy away from the topic. Exactly how do you come to terms with the fact you're an alien who was originally sent to the planet you now love to wipe out the native population? No one seems to know – I sure don't. I wonder if I should talk to Gohan about it. But what would I say? He's got Piccolo to model himself off of. I'm extremely proud of him. I know that's how all fathers' feel but I have more reason than most. Still, I think this is one thing I wouldn't be able to discuss with him. Vegeta would know all about being a Saiyen – he could even tell me a little bit about being a Super Saiyen. I know there's got to be more to it than just an increase in power and an instant hair job. But to discuss something with Vegeta like that . . . . it doesn't feel right! I don't seem to be able to. . . . Maybe it's something I was taught but forgot when I lost my memory. Or maybe it's just in my Saiyen blood. But everytime I'm around him I feel like I should kneel! (Another thing I wish I could discuss with Gohan but I can't.) I mean kneel – as in actually bow my head to him. When he came to earth, I fought him with all I had but I couldn't let Krillin kill him. It was more than generosity; at the time my reasoning was that I admired his strength as another Saiyen. But maybe there was more to it – after all, you don't kill your own prince. Prince, hmph. He sure doesn't act like one, beyond the conceit and all. Though I have to admit, how would I know how prince acts! Anyways, there's more to it. The next time I saw him was with the Ginyu Force. I just stood there and watched as he killed Burter and Racoom. I yelled at him but I could actually have stopped him; I am faster than he is after all. I held back. The thought of opposing him like that, other than to save my loved ones of course, felt wrong. Wrong, something that shouldn't be done, something I couldn't do. 

It's hard to explain how I felt when he died. He was my last link to being Kakarot, not Goku. I thought I'd be happier without it but all I could feel was sorrow. Sympathy for him at his loss of a childhood and father because of Frieza's kidnapping him. Remorse that he was dying. But a terrible, terrible sadness at the lack of his presence. When he spoke to me in my mind it was like a piece of me was brought back. I had to listen to him. But at the same time I couldn't accept what he was saying. I still can't. Can't accept the facts. I'm a Saiyen. He's my prince. Can't ignore the facts. But I wonder how long I can hold back my feelings and reactions to the second. Bulma and him are still working on their relationship (or lack there of). I remember my pledge to Trunks and I keep an eye on them for his sake. In a lot of ways it's odd to have once confirmed enemies as friends (first Piccolo, now Vegeta!). Though friends is too strong a word. We spar a lot. Okay, so we go all out against each other. But it's to fight, to have a challenge, someone who might actually beat us. It's something we both have to do. Gohan and Chi-chi don't really understand it, especially not when I come home all bruised and bloodied. And Bulma's always furious at Vegeta. But we thrive off of out battles – they make us whole in some way. We have no goal – we're just fighting – Saiyen against Saiyen. And it feels right. But anyways, it's late and . . . .

"Kakarot, this something you do on a regualar basis?"

I jumped. Hope he didn't see it but he startled me! I should have sensed him coming but I guess I was caught up in my reverie. From the sarcasm in his voice, he apparently didn't notice. My knee tingles. In my mind I'm kneeling. Reflection can wait. No time now. 

"Vegeta. What are you doing here, at this time of night?" * my prince *

"Hmph. Morning actually. I couldn't sleep."

"Neither could I." * my prince *


End file.
